I Chose a Child-Free Life
I'm a 38-year-old woman defying expectations. No, I have nothing against kids or parents who have children. But I have a choice.
At just 5 and 6 years old, my sister and I became little mothers of our newborn sister and, two years later, of our baby brother.
We stumbled many times in our role as caregivers. Sometimes literally. Once or twice we accidentally dropped my poor baby sister on the floor, and we've been asking her for forgiveness ever since.
My middle sister and I were prepping for a future aligned with traditional Paraguayan women whose leading role is devoted mother, great cook, cleaner, homemaker, stoic sacrificer, and pain hider.
These roles were seared into us via personal experiences and societal norms.
Following my parents' separation when I was 14, my siblings and I had to live with my dad because my mother couldn't support us. My sister and I became housekeepers and caretakers of our younger siblings. We then officially took over the traditional roles expected of us and that my parents had (intentionally or unintentionally) prepared us for.
But my dad's strictness in my teen years influenced my views on traditional roles.
One incident still stands out — I was 16 and 1 hour late from school. My dad let loose a storm that etched a permanent mark in my memory. The reason? A chat with a male friend. Our dad, like many Paraguayan parents, carried a conservative torch. For him, idle banter was a direct path to early pregnancy and family dishonor.
At 22, my first serious beau embodied my dad's dread — quiet, flaunting a single earring, and my age. Considering my dad's conservative views, gathering the courage to disclose my relationship felt like climbing Everest.
At the beginning of my second long-term relationship of 10 years, the idea of having a child "someday" flickered in my mind. But I kept pushing it away, citing reasons like awaiting the perfect job, yearning to travel more, or simply waiting for readiness.
But the truth is, I was terrified of history repeating itself and that I'd lose the freedom I sweated buckets of blood for.
At 32, I turned my dad's expectations on their head by choosing a child-free life.
Equipped with a master's degree, a life partner, and a job, I was almost playing to the tune of the "perfect" woman, according to my dad. Marriage and kids — that's all that was missing. But I wasn't about to buckle under societal pressure or traditional norms.
Despite my current partner's desire for children, I've embraced the freedom to choose my path in life. This decision turned me into my dad's black sheep, but it's a choice I stand by.
Motherhood can be a wonderful experience. I adore babies and their tiny, sweet gnocchi feet. At the same time, my upbringing, studying, and living abroad opened the door (and my mind) to a world that is so much more if I chose to be ME, not what others expect me to be.
My past may have molded me, but it won't define me.
If you're a woman trying to break the chains of societal pressures and personal choice about motherhood, remember, you have a choice, too.
You need to honor only one person's wishes: your own.
Di, omigosh. This was so powerful. So many highlightable sentences in this piece! The first line itself... my goodness. Thanks for sharing this.
Beautiful, thank you for sharing!